On New Year’s Day, my family gets together for a traditional Korean party. In my case, we do it twice - once for my mother’s side of the family, and once for my father’s side.
My mother’s side of the family is smaller than my father’s side, so the party tends to just be lunch, then ’seh beh’, which is where we wish our elders (and vice versa) a happy new year and such.
My father’s side of the family is quite a bit larger (20+ people on average each year), and unlike my mother’s side of the family, most of the older relatives on this side of the family are not fluent in English.
This causes a problem in that I am not fluent in Korean. I do speak Korean, just not well enough to hold a real conversation. I’ve tried to improve my Korean in the past, but it’s never gone well for whatever reason. (For the record, the biggest attempts were in the summer of 1988 and the summer of 1996)
This language barrier has created a kind of disconnect with my family during these gatherings. (We get together for Thanksgiving, too, so I go through this twice a year) Even though I’m among people that I know love and care for me, I still feel very alone. There are conversations going on, sometimes involving/about me, but I can’t really contribute beyond ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘I don’t know’, or nervous laughter.
This is not because of any malicious intent on my family’s part. They are used to speaking Korean. Even the family members who DO speak English well default to Korean when we’re all together. It’s a very normal thing. (In Japan, I would default to English when I was hanging out with non-Japanese people, because it’s what comes more naturally to me) I don’t hold it against them in the slightest.
The problem comes in that I just don’t know what to do, other than sit there, eat, and nod a lot. I could bring a book or my DS or something, but then there’s not a lot of meaning to trying to sit there and participate in the conversations.
I usually do try to participate, but most of the time, I’m lost. After a while, I have to get up and spend some time alone, to a) try to absorb what was said to me, and b) try to think of something, anything, to say beyond ‘hi, uncle/aunt’. Sometimes, though, it’s bad, and I end up spending a good chunk of time by myself. (Yeah, I know it seems emo, but it’s not ‘oh, no one cares’, it’s ‘I feel like a fifth wheel, so I’ll chill out and read by myself for a while’.)
Please note, I’m not bitching or anything - this is just an observation that I’ve made over the past ten years or so. And I know I’m not the only one. Other people who are of a similar background (family that speaks a language at home that is unfamiliar to that person) have told me of similar situations.
I’m also not looking for solutions. I know what I need to do - I need to keep at my Korean studies, which I intend to do. I love my family very much, and I do want to participate more. Besides, I like speaking Korean. It’s fun.